Rusty Broomhandle

… but only if you are a bad guy.

One day the hero of this tale, a cop, found the perfect fireman’s axe, and became AXE COP! He’s been fighting bad guys ever since, and chopping their heads off. He’s assisted by people like Flute Cop, Dinosaur Soldier, Uni-baby,  Sockarang, and a neverending list of other characters.

But the story behind the story is more interesting.

Del turned me on to this awesome webcomic a while ago. Drawn by Ethan Nicolle, an Eisner Award-nominated comic artist, he puts into visual form a story and ideas given to him by his 6 year old little brother Malachai. The strip has gained a massive following over a short period of time, and it is indeed rather fun to read.

So head over to http://axecop.com and check out the episodes and the “Ask Axe Cop” section.

( The dinosaur is Wexter, he can fly, has machine guns for arms, can breathe fire… and he has a super-fast bite. GNOMF !! )

Yes folks, the state of internet connectivity in South Africa. Telkom is the national carrier, a parastatal, government-enforced monopoly. All DSL connectiviy make it through their infrastructure in some way.

http://www.news24.com/Content/SciTech/News/1132/1bc8b09e39b043928317dc769d4196e4/09-09-2009-12-23/Pigeon_beats_Telkom

It is not in my nature do defend Microsoft. I regard it as the epitome of an evil corporation. They are vile filth, a cancer on the world, and a most active player in stifling our progress as a civilisation.

One of their many underhanded business tactics involve patent squatting. They spend millions registering software patents for the most arbitrary and obvious things. After all, they hold patents for the double-click and Page Up/Down. They did not “invent” any of it, nor does it take any amount of cleverness to come up with this stuff, they just happen to be the first to sneak an application through the patent office.

They use their patent portfolio to threaten their competition. They pick on companies that are likely to go down without a fight, and then extort them.

Recently though, karma played a hand, and someone won a patent suit against them. Someone in Canada holds a patent which basically describes the separation of content and presentation in code. They used this to sue Microsoft for their use of such techniques in their MS Office document formats. The result is that a Texas judge has now banned Microsoft from selling any copies of Microsoft Office in the US until a final judgement can be passed. On top of this they are paying $200 million for willful infringement.

The concept in question is in use everywhere. Web sites, office document formats, even email. Structuring content that way is not unique to Microsoft, nor is it particularly novel.  It has been used that way since the 1970s – a patent was merely granted in 1998.

I should be cheering. I hate that company, I should be happy that they are burning. But I am not. Again the flaw in the US patent system is highlighted. Thousands of completely unpatentable things get granted patents every year, and these patents are used for acts of intimidation and extortion.

It needs to stop.

The above toon is from Penny Arcade.

John Hughes, the producer/writer/director that brought us “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, “Planes, Trains & Automobiles”, and a number of other films that I remember fondly from the 80s and early 90s, has passed away at age 59. Poop.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000455/

This is a thought that comes to my mind often. What is that secret factor that makes one walk out of a cinema with a sense of satisfaction? Can it be measured through focus groups and surveys, and can a target market’s response be scientifically determined?

When I saw the movie “The Chronicles of Riddick” a number of years ago, a few things struck me. It’s a truly bad film. The story is predictable, the dialogue is awful. Characters are given silly one-liners. Karl Urban has the same “Omagad! I’m so constipated!” expression on his face throughout the whole film. Places/things have goofy names, like “Necromongers”, “Furians” (as in furious) and a planet named “Crematoria” (yes, it’s warm there). Every character is a one-dimensional cartoon. The movie fails as a “good” film… yet, I enjoyed it. I walked out of the cinema a satisfied customer. I watched it again recently, and enjoyed it that time too.

What did the movie have going for it? Good art direction. Ok, fine… but that alone is not enough to make an enjoyable film, is it? It was written and directed by David Twohy, who also wrote the screenplay for the multi award winning movie The Fugitive (1992), so suuurely he’s not a total dunce, and any enjoyment I got from the film surely had to have SOME thought behind it. Or maybe not. Maybe it was all just random. Something that resonated with me in a particular way.

It did have a feeling of sincerity about it though. Like the makers of the film had some love for their creation. I contrast this to films from directors like Brett Ratner (X-Men 3) and Michael Bay (Transformers, Bad Boys), where I imagine the creative process for every scene pretty much involves them thinking, “I’m gonna put THIS in the scene because I – ROCK – SO – HARD, YEAH!”

I am reminded of Ed Wood. Often branded as the worst director ever, and yet his films are loved. Not so much for what the films are, but more for the spirit of Ed Wood, and the sincerity behind it. He loved what he was doing, and he loved the fact that he was doing it.

So that’s my conclusion, I guess. At least one of those factors one does not often think about is sincerity. If you see a well-crafted film with “Oscar bait” written all over it, featuring some sort of typically sympathetic subject matter like war, some sort of handicap, homosexuality, whatever – and the film gets generally panned by critics and film-goers alike, it might just be that it lacked sincerity. Perhaps some subconscious trigger tells you that the filmmakers are trying to play you like a harp, and it sits somewhat uncomfortably with you.

The question in the title of this post may never get a definite answer, though. Not a simple one at least.

People often use religion as a means to help deal with the death of loved ones. They say “Uncle Ned is in a better place now.”, “She’s in the arms of Jesus.” As a non-religious person, my view on life and life after death differs… just a tad.

If you break any living organism down to its most basic building blocks, you end up with squillions of molecules, making up all kinds of handy things like minerals and proteins. Each molecule in your body came from somewhere before it ended up in you. A meteorite might have disintegrated on impact with the atmosphere, dust sprinkled across the landscape. Some minerals from this dust were fed on by plants in a field, which were then eaten by cows. One of these cows might perhaps have been eaten by you, and perhaps you even had a glass of milk with that. Some day, you will die… the process of decomposition will kick in, and all the nutrients in your body will make their way into the earth again, to be used by plants, animals, people. This, of course does not happen with humans much since people tend to get cremated or buried in coffins.

Life as we know it is formed out of DNA. DNA is just a protein.

Your body contains a number of living things besides yourself that live in/on you in a symbiotic relationship. You have an immune system that guards you against illness, beneficial bacteria that lives in your stomach and helps digest food, and perhaps even the odd parasite or germ or two. I think of the earth in the same way. This is more or less how the Gaia hypothesis works. The earth is seen as a single living organism – the rock her bones, the ground her flesh. And you guessed it, that makes us the bacteria. This may sound like diminishing the importance of our existence, but that all depends on your point of view.

See, our own future as a species is entirely dependent on how well we take care of the mother organism. If we continue to pollute the sky and water, to cause the rapid decline of the bee population, leading to agricultural decline, then gradually we are causing our own death as a species, other species, and ultimately the planet itself.

So your role as a bacterium is actually rather significant.

Or, alternatively, you could take the other view. You are a special child of a higher deity. By worshipping this deity, you will gain its favour and will eventually be with that deity for all eternity. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive, since you can still believe in separate paths for your body and soul. But, why must we absolutely convince ourselves that we are immortal?

We have natural wonders, art, culture and many integrated societies. Life on earth is varied and fascinating. We should make the most of it, rather than stressing about an afterlife. And this is what religious folks do – they obsess about sin and going to hell. It’s easy to damn every single Christian to hell, because the Bible is chock full of sins that are impossible NOT to break. Of course, some dominations don’t have to worry about sin because Jesus took care of that – he died for their sins… so they are covered, right? Or maybe not… there’s always doubt. That faith is heavily rooted in fear. Keep the worshippers scared and always in doubt. Me – I am going to hell, because I deny the faith… but since Jesus died for all our sins, including mine… doesn’t that mean I go to heaven after all? Too many unanswerable questions.

Living in fear – that’s no way to live your life. So, here it is…

There is no God.
There is no heaven.
There is no hell.
There is, however, physics.
Just relax and enjoy the universe as it is.

Where did it all come from though? Nowhere. Things just are. Matter has always been there and will always be there. There are unexplained forces in the world… things that seem supernatural. But really, these things are just unexplored territories where science will eventually go make sense of. Just more stuff to discover and be fascinated by.

So, crazy idea #437: How about not getting cremated, and getting buried in a way that will facilitate your return to the earth in a better way than an indestructible coffin? I think I might try that.

As much as I hate it, sometimes one gets funny ones. I got this today…

Subject: How too Get Any Girl Addicted to You in Bed – They Would Have No Idea Why They Can’t Resist You Now

Body: “Bows, of carwarriors and those, with whips and gifts, or that which is attainable
by practising yudhishthira assigned to him with the approval partha, excited
with rage in that battle, licked.”

Usually in circles of conversation, when sentences are being thrown around starting with “Americans are…”, seldom does it end with “impossibly generous”. Yet, this is how I see them. This was the lasting impression the place left on me when I took a 3 month hitch-hiking trip there over 10 years ago.

Here are a few short events from that trip.

Little Rock, Arkansas
I spent a lovely Thanksgiving with some friends, stuffed myself, watched the football, and headed out that evening.

Little Rock, Arkansas to West Memphis, Arkansas:
After a night in Little Rock on the CB, asking for a ride, being called both a “nigger” and a “white slave owner” in the same conversation, I eventually got an offer from a man that was heading home to Kentucky from Dallas, Texas. He had just taken the remainder of his recently-exed wife’s belongings to her, and spent most of the drive pouring his soul out to me. The car was an old station wagon, but he said he’s ordinarily a truck driver. At a truck stop in West Memphis, he bought me breakfast, and then drew a map to his house for me on a napkin. He told me where to find the keys to his house and the station wagon, and told me that if I am ever in the area and I needed a place to stay, I could use his house, and while there even his car.

West Memphis, Arkansas to Chapel Hill, North Carolina
I waited for a long time outside that truck stop with my little sign that read “North Carolina”. Eventually a fella came by and asked “Need a ride? Got any pot? No? Well forget it!”, laughed and went inside. Eventually he came back out and said, “You still here?? Ok, you can wait in my Peterbilt over there, I have to make a quick phone call.” I waited in the truck, and he eventually arrived in tears. He sat next to me and sobbed uncontrollably for a good few minutes before he finally managed to speak. Turns out that on the Thanksgiving day before, his boozed up, drugged out brother emerged from the bedroom with a gun and started shooting at random, killing his sister and wounding his father. I had been up and down highway I-40 several times before that, but this time it felt strange. The air was heavy, and again I was recipient of a whole lot of soul pouring. At the end of the trip, he left me to spend the night in his truck with the engine running while he went to his girlfriend’s house. Next morning he picked me up with her car, bought me breakfast, and commented on how my little sign was not readable, so he bought me some felt-tip markers, and gave me a Shrade pocket knife.

I also had a lift from an elderly truck driver who told me that if I were ever in northern Michigan, I could go to his house and ask his wife if I could stay there with her and the million cats. Rather odd. He seemed to think that she’d enjoy the company, and would cook me dinner.

The trip was packed with little acts of kindness that added up to an awesome and welcoming experience.

Ok… well, and I also met a guy who offered to get me a job in San Diego as a porn star. I politely declined.

This is a test of a new gallery plugin we are testing. Seems decent enough so far.

[View with PicLens]

Someone recently tried to strike a nerve with me by suggesting that he knows I would inevitably get dumped. Unbeknownst to him though, I have in recent months found enlightenment regarding relationships and breaking up. Allow me to share with you. And do hit the play button on the embedded vid, some ambience can’t hurt.

My last relationship ended in the most civil and mature way you can possibly imagine. And the one I am in now is of equal maturity. I think of it as a functional breakup, as opposed to dysfunctional. No angry words. In fact, we parted on such good terms, that we are still close and will likely remain so forever more.

This happened because we both cared for one another’s well being, and understood that our romantic relationship did not make either of us as happy as we could be. We recognised our closeness though, and that we still make a formidable team, and therefore we remain the best of friends. Each of us blessing the other’s new-found loves.

When someone tells you they don’t want to be with you any more, the most common response I guess is to feel a sense of betrayal, anger, a sense of ick. But, if you really cared about that person, should one not respect their decision? Is it really fair to try and force that person to stay in a relationship they are not happy with?

Sure, one can “work on” a relationship, and certainly one must do so, but there is only so much working one can do until you start losing a fundamental part of yourself.

Loving someone, caring for someone… these things often get confused with ownership/possession. You should want to be with that person you claim you care about for the rest of your life, but don’t confuse this with feeling like shit when you find you can’t be with them. The latter is unhealthy and does not belong in a relationship.

Having a breakup sprung on you at a time when you least expect it can be a bit of a knock though, but if the relationship is built on openness and communication, then there will never be a time when this hits you quite so harshly.

As I read this, it occurs to me that I just can’t put it into words. I have discovered unselfish love, and I wish it for everyone. I feel free to just be who I am, and feel secure in this. If I were to hear one day that I no longer make her happy, I would be happy knowing she felt free enough to tell me that, and allow her to find her happiness elsewhere because after all, it’s really not my place to “allow” her anything. She is her own person.

My previous attempt to adequately explain this to people have been met with some bafflement, and I guess it’s like the Matrix… you can’t be told what it is, you have to see it for yourself.

Have a nice evening, all.